2 years later

It’s been 2 years since I got divorced, which really has nothing to do with what I’m about to write. The only reason I even thought about it being 2 years, was because I came across a blog I wrote last year. Some of you probably read my blog ‘1 year later’ on myspace where I talked about things I’d learned over the course of that year. So I thought I’d write about lessons learned this year. A few things bear repeating while other things have long since passed. There's a few things I'm still working on and of course there are some new things I've learned.

1) I’ve realized relationships can truly be poisonous. One would have thought I learned that 2 years ago, but I’m not just talking about romantic relationships. Friendships, jobs, even family members can be toxic. Sometimes it’s difficult to see the harm these relationships are causing you. There comes a point where you just have to take a step back and ask yourself “Is this relationship benefiting me?” If the answer is NO, you have to learn to let go. Find a way and get rid of the toxicity. It’s not easy, especially if it’s a family member, because really, you’re always going to be family. I continually remind myself that everyone has their own baggage, their own past and their own deficiencies, but that doesn’t mean I have to keep them around. If they’re causing more problems, making my life more difficult I don’t need them in my life.
2) There are people who aren’t reliable. The only way to know who they are is to rely on them and see if they let you down.
3) It’s hard to make and keep life-long friends. Everyone’s lives are so crazy, there just isn’t any time to get together. What makes it more difficult is that everyone has become “all about me”. It’s a rarity to find someone who put themselves second. Yes, it’s good to put yourself first sometimes, to take a break, get away from the craziness. However, if you do it all the time you’re going to be a lonely person. I have my times when I get away from everything for the sake of my sanity, but the majority of the time I put other’s first. My family is always #1 - I would drop everything and fly across country for my family - and I have. I’m equally committed to my friends. This is what get’s me in trouble and frustrates the hell out of me. Why? Because 99% of my friends are NOT the same way. They expect me to drop everything for them - which I do - but rarely, if ever, do the same for me. There’s only one person whom I know would do anything if I asked and that’s sad to me.
4) Something I said last year that’s worth repeating:
Sometimes it really IS you. When some event happens and you're left wondering 'Is it me?', sometimes, yes, it is you. This sucks, but ultimately it's a good thing to know because you can fix YOU. You can't fix others. I've learned this the hard way. And if it turns out it's not you and it really is them, try to accept that you can't fix them and move on. I've gotten pretty good at fixing me, but I still have to remind myself I can't fix others.
5) I came across some fabulous quotes that have really helped this year. I like this one because it is the complete opposite of what you’re taught your whole life. “Don’t just do something! Sit there!” Yes you read that correctly. I did a double take the first time I read it too. What it means is you don’t have to react to other people’s craziness when it’s directed at you because often it’s not really about you anyway.
“The halls are hell.” Transitioning from one point in your life to another can be brutal.
“Feelings aren’t facts.” Pretty self-explanatory.
There’s a flip-side to that one: “Facts aren’t feelings.” Just because you have the facts straight doesn’t mean your feelings are going to automatically fall in line.
6) I still feel like I’m lost in the woods, striving to find my path. I just can seem to pull it all together.

"If you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best." To those of you who've had the misfortune of dealing with my worst, Thanks for sticking around.