Kairi, Kristina's god-daughter

Last night Kairi stayed over. She's Kristina's god-daughter and she's 4, but turning 5 in a few weeks. She's absolutely adorable!

This morning:

Kristina-what do you want to do before I have to go to work Kai?

Kairi-I wanna play with her! (points at me)

She talked me into playing the Wii, which i suck at and then we made a HUGE sugar cookie and some brownies.  She's so smart! She's in kindergarten and knows her right from left, her colors, and is really good at the Wii.  She's also funny as hell! She told Kiki (Kristina) that she needs to stop eating cookies because her butt is getting too big! I laughed so hard when she said that! But then she said she wasn't serious and that kiki's butt wasn't that big! She loves to give kisses and kept telling me "I love you and will always"! She's so cute!

Kiki helping Kairi frost the cookie

Her masterpiece

Had a fabulous day yesterday.  I had to go to the DES office to turn in my paperwork for health insurance and ended up waiting an hour just to turn them in. Despite this, the day was surprisingly nice.  I waited outside because it was crowded as hell in the waiting room. Luckily it was a beautiful day out and sitting in the shade with a lite breeze was very peaceful.  I made friends with some guy who was also waiting to turn in paperwork.  We casually chatted while waiting for our numbers to be called (they were on 35 when i arrived and my number was 75-his was 77), but mostly I just enjoyed being outside and not dying of heat! Once I was finally done there, I went back to the apartment and worked on my business plan for a while.  I'm almost done with it (honest, I'm really almost done with it finally). Then I picked up a couple movies and went to Kristina's. We got Filiberto's for dinner-she had a HUGE Texas burrito and I had Carne Asada Fries (so yummy!) and watched Clash of the Titans-which i was disappointed in-and Percy Jackson and the Olympians- which I've seen before and love.


So far today's turned out good too, although I slept like crap last night.  I spent some time with Kristina this morning, just talking, and then went to my parents to work on my business plan.  I'm still working on it-mostly just have the financial graphs to do and the proof read it and I'll be done! YAY!

Spamalot - Always Look on the Bright Side of Life (FULL)

A good laugh

Last night a storm rolled in. It was an awesome storm-wind bending the trees almost to the ground, pounding rain and house shaking thunder.  Kristina and I were watching movies "at home" (her house where I'm currently living) and I get a text from Erick.  It asked if the storm had hit at Kristina's yet.  This question sent her and I into a fit of laughter because my apartment where Erick is still living is literally a mile away.  We thought he had completely lost his mind! If the storm was happening at the apartment it was definitely at Kristina's.  After laughing hysterically for ten minutes I found out he was at his parents house about 20+miles away.  Once we found that out we laughed at ourselves for thinking he was at the apartment.  It's always good to laugh....especially at yourself.

At the hospital....

On Thursday I got a text from Erick saying his mother was finally having surgery.  She was supposed to have it back in April but it kept getting postponed.  So I decided I would go to the hospital and at least get her something from the gift shop or something.  Well i ended up staying there for a few hours because when I got there, Erick, his dad and his brother Javier were in the lobby waiting to see her. She came through surgery fine and we sat with her in her room for a while.  There was some tension and uneasiness between Erick and I, but mostly everything went ok. 

The weird part of the day was that on my way to the hospital I saw a guy sitting by the side of the road in front of the hospital.  His car was clearly broken down. As I turned into the hospital parking lot I thought it looked like Richard, an old man I used to work with at the airport. I decided I should see if he was ok and went back out to the street. Sure enough it was Richard and I ended up sitting with him outside for almost an hour waiting for a tow truck.  I figured I should stay with him in case he passed out or something.  He's in his 70's or 80's and not in the best of health. I didn't want him to die or something right outside of the hospital and he was already beet-red from being in the heat.  

So last night I went out to dinner with Kristina.  We went to TGIFriday's because I had a coupon for buy one get one free.  I had the yummiest Mango Mai Tai. It was like drinking juice. It was SO good.  After dinner we went home and watched a movie.  Towards the end of the movie I got a text from Erick saying his mom was going back into surgery.  She was supposed to go home yesterday afternoon, but the Dr's said she couldn't pee and her kidneys weren't working.  They were taking her back into surgery to put a splint in her urinary tract so she could pee. So at 9pm I was back at the hospital with Erick and his family. This time Juan and Andy were there with mommas (Javier's little girl), Javier, their dad and their aunt and cousin from Tucson.  We waited while she was in surgery prep area and around 10pm then decided that they would wait until today to do surgery or see if they still needed to.  They had put the catheter back in so she could pee.  I haven't heard anything yet, but hopefully she wont have to go back into surgery.

When it rains, it pours

I've gone from being depressed about my "breakup" to being manic.  Usually this would bother me because mania isn't any better than depression, but I haven't gone completely over the edge (yet) so I feel it's better to be manic at the moment.  At least I can get out of bed, I'm not crying incessantly and I can eat again. I am however, starting to feel angry about the whole thing and annoyed about not being able to be at home whenever I want.  I'm trying to stifle these feelings since I know they aren't/won't do me any good. 

I had plans to be at my parents house tonight for my birthday dinner.  (I'm currently at their computer writing this.) So when I got here, my mom wasn't home yet from work, but my dad was here. (He's retired and therefore is almost always home.) When I first came in he seemed fine, asked me how everything was going and complained about it being hot & humid because of the rain.  Then, out of no where he tells me he got a call today that Marie (his older sister and my aunt) died.  Needless to say I was stunned.  I wasn't expecting to walk in and hear that someone died.  Marie had been very ill for a while. Last I had heard she had stopped eating and was bedridden and on constant morphine, so we knew the end was coming.  However, one is never really prepared to hear it's happened.  I think I'm still in shock about it.  I don't know what the plans are as far as him going back to PA for the funeral.  I know I won't be able to go and I don't know if mom will be able to either.

So, yet another crappy thing has happened this year around my birthday....this time it's affecting my family. 

Have I mentioned I REALLY hate my birthday??

My Birthday

For the past 10 years, my birthday has sucked. Right before my day, something happens....usually involving breaking up with someone or having a huge fight. This year is no different. Four days before my birthday I said something to Erick that caused a huge problem and now we're broken up.

It's funny in a sad way. I tell people this happens and no one believed me. So here it is, my birthday, and I'm staying at Kristina's house this week and have no boyfriend. I'm trying to forget it's my b-day but people keep sending me messages, wishing me happy birthday. I know everyone is trying to be nice and make me feel better but really I'd just like to forget this day and move on.

Seriously, next year, I'm leaving town, not talking to anyone for a week before or after and hope I make it through without tragedy.

Friday the 13th sucked

On Friday August 13th, I said something stupid, something I didn’t mean. Because of what I said Erick thinks I don’t want children, lest of all children with him and it caused him to “turn off his heart”.

He’s stressed out from work as well as from our home life. My illness is stressful for everyone, especially for him.

According to what he told Kristina, he doesn’t want to break up with me but he has to fix himself before we can be together. He says his ex wife and things in his past have screwed him up and when I said I didn’t want kids it shut him down. He also says he has a hard time talking to me about what’s wrong and he wants to but he need to fix that too. He doesn’t know how long its going to take to fix but he thinks about a month or 2.

Two days he’s been telling me he needs to do this alone so I’m staying with Kristina, for this week at least. I haven’t text him so he can have his time alone. Tonight, my first night away, he texts me and says its weird not having me home. I told him this is what he asked for and I’m just trying to give him his time alone. I wasn’t going to leave so soon, hoping he’d get over this before I had to leave, but things are just too stressful and weird. He still kisses me when he comes home and before he goes to work in the morning. Last night he came home and acted like nothing was wrong. I just couldn’t handle another night of that so I had to leave. Kristina is gracious enough to let me stay for as long as I want however I don’t want to stay here long. I don’t want to burden her and without a job, I can’t help her out and that makes me feel like crap. After this week is up, hopefully I’ll have a better idea what’s going on and what to do next. As awful as it sounds, I’m hoping after a week apart-not seeing or talking to each other- he’ll realize that this is harder without me and want me to come home. This is my hope, but I’m still going to be realistic and try to figure out what to do with myself by next Monday.

I’ve told him several times now that I do want to have children and I want them to be his children. I told him I didn’t mean what I said and that I’m sorry. I’m not sure he believes me and I don’t think its helped anything to tell him.

I’m trying hard to not text him or leave him any notes, but it’s hard. How do you just stop talking to someone you’re used to seeing and talking to everyday? Kristina told me to text her or my brother or other friends when I get the urge to text Erick. I’ve successfully made it through one day. We’ll see how the rest of the week goes.